There is no love without trust. And what to do if trust has been undermined so many times that almost nothing is left of it. Statistics say that 79% of families have this problem. So how do you learn to trust your man?

Inga Admiralskaya (psychologist):

First, let's figure out what prevents you from trusting? Anxiety, fear, bad past experience, doubts - you can add this list yourself, because everyone has faced the problem of mistrust. What "takes" distrust from a relationship? Closeness, joy, the ability to accept support, lean on someone else, and so on, the list is endless. Mistrust is destructive, and if you want to get rid of it, try the following: every time you notice it in yourself, immediately ask yourself the question: “What is happening? Why am I mistrusting my partner right now? Did he really do something that embarrasses me, or am I screwing myself up, the grievances and disappointments of the past speak in me? " If you are actually embarrassed by a particular action by your man, gently ask what he meant when he did and said something that caused you to be skeptical. This procedure is called a reality check. It helps you test how viable your suspicions are, whether they relate to a given situation or are a figment of your imagination.

Maria Razbash (psychologist, trainer of the Center for Positive Psychology):

Any harmonious relationship is built on trust. If you want to trust each other, then you need to:

1. Learn to see only those relationships in which you are now. Forget all previous experiences, especially negative ones. After all, what most often happens to us is what we are afraid of - it is not for nothing that thought is considered material.

2. No need to see signs of treason in any situation. Sometimes being late for may just be late. And if he did not answer the call immediately, then he really was with the authorities. Don't ask for a report.

3. Don't put your partner in an exculpatory position. Don't make him report back to you all the time about every step. Your constant reproaches from the category "Again with Svetka delayed" on business "?" may suggest that Svetka deserves his special attention. Why create an atmosphere of heightened interest in other objects?

4. If you want a trusting relationship, then proceed from the fact that the partner is absolutely honest with you. Stop checking his phone for dangerous SMS and calls. This is very humiliating, both for him and for you.

5.In difficult situations often saves a sense of humor. In a transparent situation, try not to catch your partner red-handed, but simply sympathize with him that it turned out so awkward. Don't make scandals!

6. Try to see him in your partner best qualities and tell him about it. Emphasize that you trust him. Since this will more easily set him up for an open and honest relationship.

Keep in mind that unnecessary suspicions can be a serious reason for your partner to do something inappropriate. The logic of the subconscious works as follows: if I am suspected, then at least not in vain!

And here is what our readers think about trust.

Trust is an important component of a relationship between a man and a woman. Every woman wants to fully trust her beloved, feel support and live like a stone wall. It is also important for a man to understand that the other half trusts him and can rely on him. Trust brings peace of mind and comfort, which is important for any relationship. After all, a life of constant doubts and suspicions will not lead to a happy idyll.

But not all women can and know how to trust men, even if they really want to. Often mistrust is caused by certain actions and deeds, but it happens that there are no objective reasons. And in both cases, the woman experiences suffering, discontent and discomfort.

Relationships without trust

Many relationships have collapsed precisely because of the lack of trust in the couple. It seems to women that they are not loved, deceived, they hide something and do not finish talking. And then paranoid behavior begins. Girls go to phones, mail, arrange checks, scandals, tantrums. All this leads to a breakdown in relations.

If mistrust is caused by real problems, answer yourself to the question: "Why do I continue to live with him?" and try to solve this problem with a man. Unfortunately, millions of people live this way, they live by habit, for the sake of children, for fear of being left alone, but the reasons for mistrust are clear. But mistrust, caused by unknown reasons, deserves a detailed consideration. A loved one cares, cares, nourishes relationships morally and financially, but you do not believe him and are looking for a catch everywhere. The main thing in such a situation is not to turn the relationship into a series of constant checks, otherwise you will provoke a man to do what you are afraid of.

Mistrust cannot just arise. Perhaps there was something in your life that influenced the attitude towards men, and now you cannot trust them. But even if an unpleasant situation happened in the past, this does not mean that men are the same. Your loved one is not to blame for what happened to you. After all, it is very difficult to live, constantly proving your love and feeling that they do not trust you. You don't know how strong he will be, but you probably don't want him to leave.

Reasons for female mistrust and suspicion:

Lack of trust in the outside world

When a woman in the people around her sees deceivers and traitors who carry some kind of danger. From the point of view of psychology, such a suspicious attitude towards the world is laid in a child in the first year of life and depends primarily on how the mother took care of him at that time.

Themselves are good

When a woman is not honest and sincere in a relationship, she will suspect a man of the same.

Feelings of inferiority

If a woman does not value herself, believes that she is worthless, she develops the idea that everyone around her wants to offend and hurt her.

Disrespectful attitude towards a man

Some women do not respect their husbands and, at any convenient situation, try to humiliate them in order to prove that he is no one and is not capable of anything. Or a woman considers her husband useless and unnecessary and is convinced that he will not go anywhere.

Now let's try to find the reason for the mistrust on the other side - on the part of the husband, man. All people are different and each has character traits that are not clear to others. Maybe a man is just that kind of person, with an unusual character, whose features make you suspicious:

Closedness

Some men can be closed by nature, they do not like noisy companies and do not feel the need to communicate with other people in order to share the most intimate.

Personal space

Some men fiercely defend their personal space, and an attempt to violate it can be perceived aggressively.

Provocations in behavior

Such men deliberately arrange situations in which you have to be jealous, but they do not create reasons for real concern.

Avarice in the expression of feelings

Some men simply do not know how to show emotions and feelings, they are afraid or shy.

All these are just character traits, if your loved one belongs to one of these types, do not be jealous, but help him to loosen up a little and try to understand him.

How do you learn to trust?

In most cases, distrust is associated with problems from the past, fears, resentments, disappointments.

Trying to warn yourself against repeating such situations is a normal defensive reaction of any person.

But negative problems from the past can prevent us from creating a bright present and future.

It happens that a woman cannot even remember what specifically influenced the formation of mistrust in a man. In such a situation, it is better to turn to a psychologist who will help you overcome fears, look at the relationship in a new way and move on. After all, if you do not solve this problem, you can lose your loved one and loved one who truly loves you and is not guilty of anything.

If you come to the conclusion that it is difficult for you to trust a man, gain strength, because learning to trust is a long and difficult path.

If your situation does not require professional psychological assistance, perhaps some advice will help you:

Appreciate what is, never compare your relationship with others or with those in the past. Enjoy every day with your loved one, enjoy each other, dream, make plans for the future. Spend as much time as possible together.
Try to get rid of suspicion and suspicion. Do not listen to stories of friends and acquaintances about unfaithful husbands. Stop controlling the actions of your loved one, give him more freedom, he will feel that you believe him. If you prohibit communicating with other people, he will begin to deceive you. The more freedom a man has, the less he needs it. With such behavior, you will only heat up the atmosphere and may not keep the man.
More optimism. The first time after giving a man freedom it will be hard for you, you will not know where and with whom he is now. People really get late at work, get stuck in traffic jams, or have their cell phones run down. Think good, do not cheat yourself and do not paint. Take a break from worrying thoughts and keep yourself busy with something interesting. You will not notice how time flies by and your loved one comes home.
When you start trusting a man, he will become sincere and open. After all, if you are trusting, then the same attitude will return to you. Pure and sincere love is unthinkable without trust. Do not interfere in the affairs of a man without permission, you will not have time left for yourself: for development, self-improvement, self-education. Do not torment with checks and constant calls, thereby you make it clear that a man is unworthy. He will not have a desire to change for the better, all the same every day is a hassle, and even worse - he will do what you suspect him of, so that it is not easy to "get".

Imagine if a man behaved like you. It happens that you are late at work, shop for a long time and chat with a friend in a cafe. And now your phone goes off every five minutes, and your husband asks where you are, who you are with, and when you come home, he rolls up a scandal and accuses you of lying and treason. Or when they call you, he will immediately begin to find out who called, why he called. And then he still decides that, and you cheat on him. How would you feel in such a situation? Would you make excuses and prove the opposite?
Your distrust will lead to a man's feelings of guilt, which grows on a subconscious level. He could not make his beloved happy. Coming home from work, he sees a disgruntled face, hears out suspicions and complaints. Soon it will be hard for him, not because he does not love you, but because you will strangle him with checks, tantrums and scandals. And do not doubt that very quickly there will be another woman who will look forward to his arrival and give him positive emotions.

As you can see, every woman can establish and maintain a relationship, it is not easy, but with a lot of love and desire, you can handle it.

Appreciate each other, life is too short to waste it on scandals and hassles

Without trust, it is impossible to experience true love as described by great poets and writers. If you trust your partner, and he trusts you, the relationship will become sincere and kind, and your couple will become an example for others. By trusting each other, you will become one, deal with difficulties along the way with ease, and enjoy a happy life.

The topic of trust in a relationship with a loved one occupies an important place in the life of each of us. Indeed, today we all lack trust, sincerity and understanding so much in life. And yet, what needs to be done by everyone for a relationship so that a loved one trusts us?

"The man doesn't trust me", - says the woman, and cannot find an answer to the question why, entering into a relationship with him, she is faced with mistrust.

In the phrase " the man does not trust me"one can hear a woman's claim to a man, often based on pride and female pride. It is also interesting that a woman often does not admit that she does not trust a man herself, since she simply does not see it in herself. Although outbursts of jealousy, checking mobile messages , controlling emails and checking a man's jacket and jacket pockets clearly indicates distrust of a man Unfortunately, both men and women are inherently distrustful.

In this article, we will understand this issue, but first I will touch on the very concept of trust.

What is trust and where does it come from in life, relationships

Trust is a fundamental feeling and is a sine qua non for human life on earth. Trust is a guarantee of the quality of any relationship, and it doesn't matter if it is a person's relationship with himself, other people, or a person's relationship to his own life and destiny.

Each person has their own degree of trust, it is formed from childhood, and is reinforced life experience throughout life. Modern world illusions and substitution of life values ​​have developed in many people fear of life, serious relationships, family values. People today are afraid to let such important concepts as loyalty, decency, trust, empathy, responsibility, spiritual purity and chastity into their lives.

But it is important to remember that trust is a mutual feeling, and a person cannot trust if he does not feel it in return.

Let us analyze this topic using examples from the life of several of my clients who have contacted me with requests to help them understand the reason for a man's distrust of them.

During the consultations, we analyzed their behavior and the man's response to them. The task of our work with them was for the clients to learn to understand their men, to feel their inner world, to be aware of their needs, to ask themselves questions correctly, and, in answering them, to usefully apply them in practice.

"Why doesn't a man trust me?" - a question of the client to work on herself

If the man doesn't trust me then obviously I am behaving incorrectly, and I have to reconsider a lot in my own thoughts and behavior, to re-evaluate my view of current relationships and my role in them. What mistakes do I make today, since my m supper doesn't trust me?

During the consultation, the client said that at the time of meeting her current man, she was already in a relationship with another man, with whom she had just come to the party that day, where their first meeting took place.

Today, recalling and analyzing that situation, the client says: " The man doesn't trust me because I used to behave defiantly and loved to attract the attention of other men. ”He probably thinks that I still behave this way, so he does not trust me and does not let me go anywhere with her friends.

Let's take a look at the common mistakes women make in relationships with men.

The first stage of building relationships, acquaintance

As a female psychologist and woman, I know that the world of feminine nature is rich in the expression of feelings. Women are very emotional. But, in the early stages of the inception of a relationship, it is important for a woman to observe chastity in a relationship. There are two things at stake here. In a woman, inner spiritual purity is valued, through which she perceives the world around her and the man in it. A woman should choose a man, evaluate his masculine qualities, and not twist her soul before the first person she meets. A woman must keep a riddle in herself, which she will eventually offer to solve only to one man worthy of her feminine value. Second important point a relationship of trust is the chastity of the female body, and the gift of it to the man.

In our crazy age of rapidly developing relationships, many couples manage to go through all the stages of relationships in a few days, absolutely not lingering at the first fundamental level of the birth of pure relationships. People do not have time to look back, as they have already formed a family, and children were born.

Lack of responsibility, extreme human carelessness eventually leads people to rapid emergence problems in relationships and timely cooling of feelings.

The second period of relationship building, courtship and choice

Can a woman accept courtship from different men? Yes, as long as a woman chooses a worthy man, she can accept the courtship of several men at the same time. Courtship means communication and spending time together: going to a cafe and a theater, going for a walk. During this period of courtship, a woman pays attention to the behavior of a man, manners, good manners and attitude towards herself as a woman. At this stage of the relationship, a woman should not immediately give herself to everyone who treated her to a cup of coffee. Otherwise, the price of such coffee is very expensive.

For further disclosure of the topic of the article, I will once again use an example from the life of one of my clients.

The client confessed to having a passion for luxury and expensive jewelry, and this passion interferes with her in building relationships with men. Remembering her wealthy boyfriend, she said: the man does not trust me and my sincerity in love. He believes that I am more interested in clothes, new luxury goods, jewelry, but not himself.

As a female psychologist and woman, I explain to my clients the importance of appreciating the masculinity in a man.

Let me give you another example from the practice of one of my clients. She stated: the man does not trust to me... She could not accept and realize why she could no longer accept the courtship of other men. What if I just go out with a friend? The man doesn't trust me and wants to restrict my freedom. I am a woman and I need the admiration and compliments of men, let him not think that no one likes me.

This example speaks of women's self-doubt. A woman tries to convince herself that she is confident in herself as a woman. Otherwise, why would she need confirmation of her beauty from all the men around her.

As a female psychologist, I will give a recommendation for women: do not have the habit of comparing your man to others, admiring and citing other men as an example to him. This behavior will alienate the man from you, and he will find one for which he will be the best. Remember, accepting favors from other men is not okay when you are married or in a relationship.

I will give another example of a situation that arose in one married couple.

How could it happen that the man does not trust me, and is jealous of my colleague?

This married couple have lived together for 6 years, and they worked in the same company, once the reason for the conflict was office gossip after a corporate party, which, for some unknown reason, was attended only by the wife. My husband felt unwell and left the party earlier. And his wife, at the request of the boss, stayed at the party to discuss some working moments.

The man doesn't trust me, considering that I had a pleasant time in the company of other men. I only now understand what he felt inside, and how he was worried.

The client asked to help her regain the man's trust . More my man doesn't trust me what to do? At first he began to be jealous of me, then to control me, and now he completely stopped trusting me. It seems to me that he has grown cold towards me.

The life of people together under one roof forces many to reconsider their views on the family.

An important and key point in the formation of a clean and trusting relationship is the communication of partners with each other. As a female psychologist, I want to draw the attention of women to the ability to talk with their men.

When a woman wonders why does a man not trust me and what to do, it becomes obvious that she does not understand him. At psychological consultations, I explain to women that in order for them to be happy in a relationship with their man, they must understand them.

In order for a woman to understand a man's jealous behavior and to answer the question: "", you need to talk to him more often. Consultation with a female psychologist helps women understand the world of their man and themselves, realize their desires, evaluate their role and behavior in relations with a man, realize their mistakes and find solutions from the current situations. The man doesn't trust me- means that he doubts me and my actions.

How to talk to a man so that he hears you and stops doubting you?

What if a man does not trust and is jealous of work? Behind jealousy and mistrust is often a man's fear of losing a woman, losing control over her in a relationship.

Let me give you another example from practice.

The man doesn't trust me thinking that I do not go to work, but do something obscene. I feel guilty about him all the time, even though I’m not doing anything wrong.

If you start a conversation with the words of criticism: "You got me, you don't care about me, and you never took an interest in my feelings," most likely you will run into rudeness, causing male aggression on yourself.

It is important to talk to a man about feelings, if you want to reach out to your beloved man, speak to him calmly, without raising your voice. A man perceives his woman through feelings, her state of mind that continues in it and affects it.

Tell the man that this work is very important to you, that you feel comfortable, calm, and mentally there. A man must realize and feel what you are experiencing, then he will begin to hear you.

Remember that a woman creates warmth and comfort in a relationship. That is why it is important for you, as a woman, to show attention, interest and care in your relationship with your beloved man.

As a woman and a female psychologist, I recommend that loved ones talk to each other more often. Every day you will get to know the world of each of you, and every day you will begin to become closer, over time, mistrust and doubts will forever leave your relationship. Talk with your partner about the joint and personal desires of each other, find out what interests each of you in life, how each of you breathes and lives. Are you ready to find a place and time for spiritual relaxation for each of you?

Not always every couple has common interests in everything. Well if so. But do not forget that each person's world is unique. Take care of your feelings, take care of each other. Do not demolish an already fragile trusting human relationship against the wall of selfishness.

Sometimes give your loved one the opportunity to be away from you in the company of friends, on a fishing trip or on a hike. Do not erase the boundaries of the personal space of a loved one, remember, there is a line beyond which a person does not allow anyone but himself. If you are counting on trust from a man, you want a man to stop controlling you, start with yourself, let in life trust in yourself, the people around you, your beloved man. Then the man will respect your desires and stop controlling you.

Remember that in the life of each of you there was something valuable before meeting each other. It could be something important and desired by the soul and heart. Do not demand from a person to give up everything that was important in his life and existed before you. You cannot mistakenly rely on that, now all the time and attention of a loved one should belong exclusively to you. Behind this lies not love, but the desire to possess another person, suppressing his will.

Every sane person leaves in the past bad habits that interfere with harmonious relationships. It remains important for each of us to live our life in rhythm with the heart and in harmony with the soul.

As a female psychologist and woman, I wish you to find this balance in life and in relationships with yourself and your loved one.

And don't let the question "" bother you anymore.

Female psychologist Kalugina Natalia Igorevna

Hello. I am 21 years old. I am dating a young man for 3 years, he is 22. 1 year of our relationship was just wonderful, without quarrels and other things. Once I went to his page in social network from his computer and discovered a correspondence with her friend. There was nothing criminal there, but he showed a lot of initiative in communication ... he took an interest in her whole life, asked what train she went on, they live in the same area, I think he wanted to ride with her. I told him that I was aware of, and that it upset me very much ... he began to say that it was just out of boredom, that he liked her as a person, cute and just wanted to make friends. I don’t know why, but I forced myself to believe it, but I think I didn’t forgive him and didn’t accept his truth. Then, over time, I found a few more correspondences, but they were insignificant, but he clearly glued to some unfamiliar girls. Again I told him ... to which he again said that it didn’t mean anything, that he only loved me. I continued to communicate with him and was quite happy, not always true, but there were moments. Once I also found a profile on his dating site ... it said that he prefers dark-skinned brunettes, and I am blonde + pale skin ... I felt very unpleasant, for the first time I doubted my attractiveness ... I thought that one considers me beautiful and so on ... Because of this questionnaire, we parted, but then he apologized and wanted to return and forgive ... because he convinced me that it was just that and did not mean anything that he only loved me. .... This summer we parted with him again, we quarreled a little, I hung up in emotions and decided not to get in touch, I was silent for about 3 weeks and he too, then he wrote so that I would forget about him. After 2 months, I wrote to him, I wanted to talk to him why he did this, why he made such a decision - to part, he said that he was tired of quarrels, that we could not get along together, but at the same time he was very fond of and very worried. .. For some reason, these confessions of him in love I was always hooked and this time I offered to make up ... we made it up, but literally the next day, I find in his mail a letter to a girl, he writes that he loves her ... I Asked him ... that this is all then ... He told me that in the summer, while we were not in a relationship, he went to Bulgaria with his brother and there he met this girl, Her name is Polina, she is 18 years old and he lives in Germany .... they stayed there 5 days and during these 5 days they had an affair and they slept. He said that he felt for her only mild love and therefore when they parted, he missed her a little, but their communication did not work out and they both stopped correspondence and now they do not communicate, I believed. From that moment, everything in me turned upside down ... I began to constantly ask him how it was how beautiful she was, what her figure was, in what way she was better than me, what her breasts were, did she like sex, did he like him ... so I constantly learned something from him for 2 months .... naturally ... it began to annoy him, we began to quarrel because of my jealousy. I am very worried that I am ugly, that I have small breasts, that my height is only 160, and her breasts are larger and her height is 175. I began to feel inferior because of this ..... I myself I do dance and my figure is excellent ... but because of him ... I think not! Which is not great enough ((((And the worst thing, I had access to his mail all the time, I hacked his mail, I am very ashamed of that ... But I cannot be ignorant ... I seem to feel the need for control over the situation, the other day ... a girl from work wrote to him, and showed a lot of interest in him when she found out that he had a girlfriend ... her fervor blew out ... I told him that I know about the fact that he corresponded with her, which made me very upset by the fact that he was also very enthusiastic about the new acquaintance. She told me that I knew the password ... He broke through very much and we had a fight. I called him and asked for forgiveness ... ..... and he kind of forgave me and wrote me messages that he loves, that he misses, and all this time I came up with new way find out the password (((((Just some kind of horror. All the kind words that he sent me, I didn't seem to perceive, I don't believe him. I keep thinking that that girl from work is more attractive than me, I saw her photos , she is very wealthy, pretty, long beautiful hair, tall and slender and I again begin to consider myself a nonentity .... I can't do this anymore ... I cry all the time. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I I want to put an end to everything and tell him that I do not trust and will never be able to trust and that we cannot be together.He always told me in all conflicts that he does not want to part, that he loves, but nevertheless he is interested in others ... and more than once he broke off relations with me. I don’t know whether to believe him or not. On the other hand, I love him very much and I think .. he loves me too, he works so that we could go to rest somewhere, my parents are not can pay me a ticket, because they are retired, and I myself am a student and study at a complex institute, I can not skip classes, soo Respectively, I cannot work. I am very upset by the fact that I am modest, and maybe not particularly noticeable. But at the same time, I have a hobby - dancing, only there I am truly happy, there I am confident in myself, in my talent, etc. ... I think that there is a way out, I I just have to learn to trust him now, not to nag him with my stupid questions, but I can't, if I just see some letters, I get out ... Please tell me how I can cope with all this horror?

Hello Svetlana! How interesting is the self-esteem of women from a man who is next to them - of course, when you feel attractive, then neither is needed by both, but when a man by himself still does not know what and whom he wants, he does not bear responsibility for the relationship, neglects, disrespects and plays with the girl's feelings - then her self-esteem goes down - but is the fact that you have now ceased to physically underestimate yourself - and women are different, but so what ??? if a man loves, accepts and respects a partner - then he likes everything in her - but is there really in your relationship ???? the man is immature, infantile, care only about his feelings and you yourself subconsciously cannot trust him, because you are afraid to take off those glasses of illusion and his ideality! and so you continue to live in this game - and thus protect yourself - therefore you control - since there is no trust! and it's not about you - the responsibility always lies with two partners - at the same time he only points to your control, but at the same time does not accept at all that his share is that you have ceased to trust him too !!! think, why would you forget and continue to live like this - when a man is clearly not in the mood for a relationship, but is it just convenient for him? what you yourself get from them, besides pain, humiliation, insults, especially since you cease to feel like a full-fledged woman and stop accepting yourself - look into yourself, listen to yourself !!! Svetlana - if you find it difficult to figure it out yourself - feel free to contact me - call me - I will be glad to help you figure it out !!!

Hello Svetlana.

There really is a way out. Especially considering that you love each other.

You yourself write that you have a need for control. Do you know why you need it? I wonder how you choose to believe the correspondence, which really carries very little information - after all, most of the communication is transmitted through other channels (eyes, tone of voice, appearance) rather than words. And how do you choose not to believe him.

And one more significant factor: the main difference is that almost all the cases you cited are the INTERNET (except for that girl in Germany), and with you it is ALIVE.

As for your suspicions and lack of self-confidence - you can work with this in person. It is important to understand what the roots of this feeling are. It is unlikely that it is associated with your boyfriend. Rather, it is something about you. What an urge to compare yourself with others not in your favor.

Another example from my experience: you write: she is 175, and I am only 160. I am also 175. And sometimes I so want to be shorter! Yes, yes ... It is important to research how you find in what you are worse than others and not in what is better.

If it is important for you to deal with this, I will be glad to help you.

You can also write to me by mail: [email protected]

Sincerely,