The famous radical way to cope with a child unwilling to fall asleep.

“The treatment is very simple: put the child to bed at the right time, wish him good night in a gentle voice, leave the room and do not return. Most children scream angrily for 20-30 minutes on the first night, and then, seeing that nothing is happening, they suddenly fall asleep. The next day they will cry for only 10 minutes, and on the third day they usually don't cry at all. "

A modern psychologist, a specialist in parent-child relations in the book “Secret support. Affection in a Child's Life ”criticizes the idea of ​​leaving children alone. She recalls that in many traditional cultures, babies spend their entire first year of life huddled against their mother. According to Petranovskaya, if fears about “being spoiled, accustomed” were true, then children, almost until adulthood, would insist on being carried in their arms: “However, observations say exactly the opposite: these kids are much more independent and independent by two years old than their urban peers. "

# 2. Refusal to feed at night

“If the baby is already a month old and weighs about 4.5 kg, but still wakes up for night feeding, I think it would be wiser not to rush to him with milk. ... Generally speaking, a child weighing about 4.5 kg and eating normally during the day does not need night feeding. "

Today, doctors are convinced that night feedings should not be stopped so early: they stimulate the production of the hormone prolactin, which is responsible for the formation of breast milk. It is important to maintain night feeds for as long as the baby needs them. WHO also recommends feeding on demand - that is, as often as the child wants, day and night.

No. 3. Ignoring crying

If the child is naughty or crying, "according to Spock," there is no need to react to this: “Some children vomit easily when they are agitated. This frightens the mother, she looks at the child with an anxious look, rushes to clean up after him, tries to be more considerate towards him and next time immediately runs to him as soon as he screams ... If the mother decided to teach him to fall asleep without screaming and motion sickness, then she should not deviate from the planned plan and not enter the child. "

However, the results of a recent study conducted by American scientists indicate that a mother can safely, without fear, follow her maternal instinct. The more "hugs" and "hands", the more, the more mother's attention and care, the more successful, self-confident, kind, sensitive, mentally and physically healthy person your child will become when he grows up. The researchers came to such conclusions, data on childhood and adult life of more than 600 people.

No. 4. Sleep on your stomach

“It is advisable to teach the child from birth to sleep on his stomach, if he does not mind. Subsequently, when he learns to roll over, he will be able to change the position himself if he wants to. "

In the 21st century, pediatricians say that a child should sleep exclusively on his back and on a firm mattress. Sleeping on the belly of a baby is dangerous: it is sudden infant death syndrome.

No. 5. Orange juice as a first food

“Typically, doctors advise adding orange juice to a baby’s diet at the age of several months,” says the book The Baby and His Care. “You can squeeze the juice from the oranges yourself or use canned juice ... Usually, up to 5-6 months, babies drink juice from a nipple, and then from a cup.”

No. 6. Meat complementary foods from 2 months

"Studies have shown that meat is very beneficial for children even in their first year of life," writes Dr. Spock. - Many doctors now recommend giving meat starting from 2-6 months. Meat for a small child is either rotated in a meat grinder several times, or rubbed through a sieve, or grated on a grater. Therefore, it is easy for a child to eat it, even while he has no teeth. "

Two months is definitely too early an age to start feeding - especially with meat. The pediatrician recommends starting meat complementary foods no earlier than 8-9 months.

No. 7. Too big undershirts

In Benjamin Spock's bestselling book, you can read about clothes for a newborn: “Nightshirts. You will need 3 to 6 shirts. Buy immediately the size for the age of 1 year. Undershirts. You will need 3-6 undershirts for 1 year. "

A newborn, undoubtedly, grows very quickly, but it will not be in size for both the child and the mother, continuous inconvenience.

“Remember that you know your child well, but I don’t know him at all”

Many of the tips from the book "The Child and Caring for Him" ​​are naive and even dangerous for modern realities. However, Spock was the first pediatrician to go against the conventional wisdom that parenting must be discipline first. His ideas for their time became revolutionary and influenced many generations of parents, making them more sensitive to their children.

In the introduction to his famous book, Benjamin Spock emphasizes that you should not blindly follow all the advice in the book.

There are no similar children, as well as no similar parents. Diseases occur in children in different ways; upbringing problems also take on different forms in different families. All I could do was describe only the most common cases. Remember that you know your child well, but I do not know him at all "

Benjamin Spock

"Child and his care"

Adaptation to the outside world

517. After 6 years, a lot changes.

The child becomes more independent from his parents, sometimes even impatient. The opinion of his comrades is more important to him. His sense of responsibility in relation to those deeds and things that seem important to him is growing. His conscientiousness sometimes becomes painful. He begins to be interested in such things as arithmetic, the device of the motor, etc. In short, he emancipates himself from the family in order to take his place as an equal citizen in society.

For contrast, think of a 3 to 5 year old child. He openly adores his parents. He takes their word for what is good and what is bad, imitates them in table manners, and wears with pleasure what they put on him. He uses words that he hears from his parents, although not all are clear to him.

518. Independence from parents.

After 6 years, the child continues to deeply love his parents, but tries not to show it. He doesn't like being kissed, at least in public. The child also treats other people coldly, except for those whom he considers "wonderful people". He doesn't want to be loved as property or as a "charming child." He gains self-esteem and wants to be respected. In an effort to get rid of parental dependence, he increasingly turns to adults outside the family, whom he trusts, for ideas and knowledge. If he learns from his beloved natural science teacher that there are more red blood balls than white ones, then his father will not be able to convince him that this is not so. What his parents taught is not forgotten, moreover, their principles of good and evil are so deeply embedded in his soul that he considers them to be his ideas. But he gets angry when his parents remind him what he must do, because he himself knows and wants to be considered conscious.

519. Bad manners.

The child will stop using too "adult" words and his style of speech becomes rude. He only wants to wear clothes and hairstyles like the other guys. He can deliberately walk with an open collar and unlaced boots. He may completely forget how to eat at the table, sit at the table with dirty hands, fill his mouth or pick a plate with a fork. He may absentmindedly kick a chair leg, throws his coat on the floor, slam doors, or forgets to close them behind him. He changes his role model: he used to imitate adults, and now - his peers. He declares his right to be independent from his parents. And his conscience is clear, since he does nothing that is bad from a moral point of view. These bad manners and bad habits are very frustrating for parents. They think that the child has forgotten everything that he has been taught for so long. In fact, these changes prove that the child has learned forever what good behavior is, otherwise he would not have rebelled against him. When the child feels that he has established his independence, good behavior will return. In the meantime, good parents can take comfort in the fact that their child is developing normally.

Of course, not every child becomes naughty at this age. If the parents are sociable people and the child has a good relationship with them, then there may not be any clear signs of rebellion at all. Rebellion is usually less pronounced in girls than in boys. But in any case, upon closer examination, you will find signs of a change in the child's behavior and in his attitude towards others.

What to do? Perhaps you will turn a blind eye to annoying little things. But you must be firm on the matters that you think are important. If you have to remind your child to wash their hands, try to do it not in the form of orders and not in a grumpy tone, but calmly, so as not to provoke even more stubbornness.

520. Secret Societies.

They are very popular at this age. A group of friends decides to found a "secret society". They invent decals, appoint secret meeting places, draw up a list of rules. They may forget to come up with the most secret, but perhaps the idea of ​​secrecy is the need to prove that they can manage themselves without adult intervention.

521. How to help a child to be sociable and to deserve the recognition of the collective.

To do this, you need to observe the following principles of upbringing from birth: do not fuss unnecessarily around the child, after a year provide him with a children's society, give him enough freedom to develop independence, minimize changes at home and in kindergarten. If possible, allow him to dress, talk, play, have the same pocket money and other benefits that other children in the area have (on average), even if you don’t like how they are brought up (of course, I don’t mean to say that a child can allow hooligans to imitate).

How well an adult can get along with people at work, in a family, with acquaintances depends on how well he was able to get along with other children in childhood. The lofty ideals and principles that parents instill in a child become part of his nature and eventually manifest themselves, even if the child passes the time of being attracted by swear words and rude manners. But, if the parents do not like the area where they live, and the children with whom their child is friends, and they inspire him that he is unequal to the neighbour's children, do not allow him to be friends with them, the child may grow up unadapted to communicate with people and not able be happy.

If your child doesn’t know how to make friends, the class teacher can help by organizing lessons so that the child can demonstrate his or her abilities. Then other guys will be able to appreciate his good qualities and love him. A good teacher who is respected by the children can increase the child's popularity with his approval. It even helps if the teacher just puts him on the same desk with the most popular student in the class or gives the child an assignment that he will carry out along with everyone's favorite.

Parents, for their part, can also help a lot. Be friendly and welcoming to your child's friends when they visit. Do not forget to treat them, and it is better with those dishes that all children like. When you go out with your family on picnics, excursions, go to the movies, invite your children's friends (and not necessarily those you approve of) with you. Children, like adults, are not devoid of self-interest. They are more likely to like a child who seeks to please them. Of course, the popularity of a child should not be "bought"; such popularity will not last long anyway. But your goal is to give him the opportunity to join a group of teenagers his age who may not want to accept him out of the sense of group isolation so characteristic of this age.

Self-control

522. He likes precision and accuracy.

Take a closer look at the games of children at this age. They like games with strict rules and skill. In games such as "classes", jumping ropes, ball games, various exercises are performed in a certain order, but if the player makes a mistake, he must start all over again. In such games, children are attracted by the very idea of ​​precision and accuracy. At this age, children are often fond of collecting. Children find it pleasure to achieve order and completeness in their collections, be it stones, stamps or matchbox labels.

At this age, children sometimes have a desire to put things in order in their things. They can put labels on desk drawers, arrange all the books neatly. Order does not last for a long time, but how great the child's desire for order must have been so that he would generally engage in guiding it

523. Tick is beyond the control of the child.

Tics include such phenomena as blinking, twitching of the shoulder, grimaces, turning the neck, coughing, puffing, dry cough. Ticks are most common in nine-year-olds, but can occur at any age after 2 years. With a tick, the movements are usually very fast and repeat regularly, always in the same shape. The tick gets worse if the child is nervous. The tick continues, then it stops, then it gets stronger for several weeks or months, and then either stops forever, or is replaced by a new type of tick. Blinking, puffing, coughing, and dry coughing often start with a cold but continue after the child recovers. Shoulder twitching can begin while wearing very loose clothing that seems to be about to fall off. A child can copy a tic from another child, but he would not have done this if he had not been nervously tense.

Tic is especially common in nervous children with strict parents. Sometimes the mother or father makes remarks and orders to the child as soon as he is around. Maybe the parents constantly disapprove of the child or demand too much from him, or overload him, forcing him to play music, and dance, and sports. If the child had become bolder and objected, he would not have been so tense inwardly. But, being too well brought up, he restrains and accumulates the irritation that manifests itself in tics.

Do not scold or reprimand your child because of a tic. The child cannot stop the tic at will. Your efforts should be aimed at making the child's life at home calm and happy, with a minimum of reprimands, as well as making his life at school and outside the home enjoyable.

Comics, radio, television and film

524. Children take comics seriously.

Conscientious parents usually worry that comics are giving kids bad taste, filling their heads with dark ideas, leaving them no time to go out and do their homework, and that it’s a waste of money. There is some truth in these accusations. But if children unanimously strive for something, we are forced to admit that this has some positive, constructive value for them. It makes more sense to try to give them what they want in the best possible shape, but we won't get anywhere if we gasp and cackle like nervous chickens. Children of all ages are full of noble aspirations for great things that they think adults are doing.

At an early age, they just need to copy the activities of adults: driving trains, playing doctors, etc. After 6 years, the imaginary life of children is partially separated from their real life. They now spend a lot of time at school. They are also faced with the task of learning to live in a team. When they have time to daydream, their growing independence makes them imagine great feats that have nothing to do with the mundane activities of their parents and neighbors. Believing that they themselves now know what is good and what is bad, they find great pleasure in stories where good fights against evil and triumphs. From here it becomes clear why children are so addicted to comics. It would be a mistake to think that these cruel stories are invented in order to corrupt children. The people who compose and paint them first figure out the tastes and needs of the children. To educated adults, comics seem crude, devoid of any literary merit or noble ideas. But this suggests that adults are in a different stage of development than ten-year-olds (as it should be). Children must go through a storytelling stage in which superhuman strength and justice always prevail at the very last minute. After that, they move on to reading more complex and sophisticated literature. Just as crawling on all fours in infancy will not prevent a child from learning to walk in a more graceful way - on two legs, so reading comics will not prevent a child from developing good taste.

525. Restriction in comics.

Of course, it is your right and even your duty to prohibit your child from reading comics that are morally unacceptable. Also, you should not allow your child to spend too much time reading comics so that he does not have time for walks and friends. But you hardly want him to be so absorbed in fiction. You may need to set your limits: so many comics per week, or so many hours of reading each day. Even perfectly happy and successful children can get carried away by comics and forget about everything in the world; but this does not last long. If a child lives exclusively by dreams, fairy tales, radio broadcasts, movies, it is necessary that both parents and the school help him find joy in communicating with friends and in games (see section).

526. Do comics, TV shows and movies contribute to the growth of juvenile delinquency?

This question is often asked by parents.

Parents should not be indifferent to the moral content of the books their child reads, films and TV shows that he watches. Atrocities and sexuality, vividly presented, are harmful to children of any age, and parents have every right to prohibit them. But I wouldn't worry about a level-headed six-year-old watching a cowboy movie on TV in which the good guys outperform the bad guys in shooting and riding and outwit them and win.

527. Radio and television broadcasts.

Passion for radio and TV shows creates some problems for parents.

The first difficulty is the impressionability of some children, who are so frightened by a terrible transmission that they cannot sleep, or they have nightmares. This usually happens with children under 6 years old. I would not recommend allowing children to watch such programs, they will not make a thug out of a child, but they will excite him too much.

Another difficulty is with a child who "sticks" to the TV from the minute when the programs start until the minute when he is finally forced to go to bed. He doesn't want to leave the TV for a minute to eat or do his homework.

Parents and children should agree on a daily routine so that specific hours are set aside for walking, eating, sleeping, homework, and television. Both the child and the parents must adhere to the established regime. Otherwise, the parents will scold the child every time they find him at the TV, and the child will turn it on every time the parents turn away. Some children and adults can practice well with the radio on (they claim that it is even better), although this is more likely when the music is playing, and not the voice of the announcer. You can allow your child to study with the radio on if he prepares lessons correctly and on time.

If the child is good at homework, spends enough time outdoors, with friends, eats and sleeps on time, and if scary programs do not scare him, I would let him watch TV and listen to the radio as much as he wants. I would not blame him for this, or scold him. This will not make him stop loving television and radio broadcasts, but quite the opposite. Remember that stories about amazing adventures that you think are nonsense can deeply touch your child and even affect his character in many ways. In addition, children are interested in discussing TV and radio programs among themselves, just as adults are interested in talking about books, plays, news. For children, this is part of their "social life". But, on the other hand, parents can not hesitate to prohibit their children from watching those programs that they consider clearly undesirable.

Kids love adventure movies for the same reasons as comics and TV shows. A seven-year-old may be allowed to go to the movies with friends on Sunday afternoons. Do not take children to evening sessions. I would not allow children to go to the cinema more than once a week, because from a hygiene point of view, a cinema is not a very suitable place for children to spend time.

It is risky to drive a child under the age of 7 to the cinema. It may seem to you that this or that animated film will be great fun for him, but in any film there are three or four episodes that can scare a small child. You should remember that children 4-5 years old hardly distinguish between real and unreal. Baba Yaga is a living creature for children and they are afraid of her just as you would be afraid of a living bandit. The safest rule of thumb when it comes to movies is: don't take kids under 7 years old there (unless you go to movies that you are absolutely sure they don’t contain anything reprehensible or intimidating). If a child over 7 years old is intimidated by the movies, do not take him to the cinema.

Theft

529. When small children take other people's things.

This is not stealing. They just really want to have this thing. They still do not properly distinguish between what belongs to them and what does not. Do not shame them for this and assure them that they did wrong. The mother should simply be told that this is Petya's toy, that he will soon want to play with it himself, and you have many good toys at home.

530. What does theft mean at a more conscious age.

When a child of 6-12 years old takes someone else's thing, he knows that he is doing wrong. He will probably do it in secret, hide the stolen goods and deny his guilt.

When a parent or teacher catches a child stealing, they get very upset; their first desire is to attack the child with reproaches and shame him. This is natural: after all, we were all taught that theft is a serious crime. We get scared when our child steals.

It is important that the child knows for sure that his parents do not approve of theft and insist on the immediate return of the stolen goods. But on the other hand, it is unwise to bully such a child or pretend that you will never love him again.

For example, a seven-year-old boy, well-brought up by conscientious parents, who has enough toys and other things and little pocket money, steals. He probably steals small sums of money from his mother or comrades, fountain pens from teachers, or pictures from a neighbor on his desk. Oftentimes, stealing him is completely pointless because he might have the same thing. Obviously, it’s a matter of the child’s feelings. He seems to be tormented by the need for something and he tries to satisfy it, taking from others things that in fact he does not need at all. What does he want?

In most cases, such a child feels unhappy and lonely. Maybe he lacks parental affection or he cannot find friends among his peers (this feeling of abandonment can arise even in a child who enjoys the love and respect of his comrades). I think that the fact that seven-year-olds are the most often stealing means that at this age children especially feel that they are moving away from their parents. If they don't find real friends, they feel abandoned and unnecessary. This is probably why children who steal money either give it out to their comrades, or buy sweets for the whole class, that is, they try to "buy" the friendship of their classmates. Not only does the child move away from their parents somewhat, but parents are often especially picky about children at this not very attractive age.

In the early period, the child may also feel more lonely due to increased shyness, sensitivity and desire for independence.

At any age, one of the reasons for stealing is an unmet need for love and affection. Other reasons are individual: fear, jealousy, discontent.

531. What to do with a child who steals.

If you are absolutely sure that your child (or student) stole, tell him immediately and firmly that you know where he got it, and make him return the stolen. In other words, don't make it easier for him or give him the opportunity to lie. The child must return the stolen goods to another child or to the store where he took it. If he stole from a store, it will probably be more tactful to go there with him and explain that the child took the thing without paying and wants to return it. The teacher can return the stolen to the owner to save the child from public shame. In other words, you don't need to humiliate the child who stole, you just need to make it clear that he will not be allowed to do this.

Think about whether your child has enough affection and approving participation in the family, whether he has friends outside the family. Give him, if funds allow you, the same pocket money that his peers have. This will help him feel "like everyone else." If the theft continues or the child is unable to find his place in the environment, seek the advice of a child psychiatrist.

What does school give a child

532. The main thing that school teaches is how to find your place in life.

The various subjects that children take in school are only a means to achieve this goal. In the old days, it was believed that the task of the school was to teach children to read, write, count and remember some numbers and facts. One wonderful teacher said that while studying at school, he had to learn by heart the definition of prepositions: "A preposition is a word that has the meaning of position, direction, time or other abstract relation; it is used to combine nouns or pronouns with other words in adverbial or adjective sense ". Of course, he learned nothing by remembering this rule. A person is really enriched with knowledge only when this knowledge means something to him. One of the tasks of the school is to teach subjects in such an interesting and lively way that the child himself wants to study and remember them.

Learning from books and conversations is rather limited. The subject is comprehended much deeper and faster if it is studied in a real environment. Children will learn more arithmetic operations in a week if they are given the opportunity to service the school store, count change, keep records, etc., than they will learn in a month from books with faceless numbers.

There is little use in extensive knowledge if a person does not know how to be happy, does not know how to get along with people, and does not cope with the work he wants to do. A good teacher tries to understand each child in order to help him overcome his weaknesses and become an open-minded person. A child who lacks a sense of self-confidence should be given the opportunity to show their abilities. The upstart and the eyewash must be taught to seek recognition by honest work. A child who does not know how to make friends should be helped to become more sociable and attractive in the eyes of his peers.

A child who seems to be lazy needs to be carried away with something.

A school can only achieve success up to a certain limit if it uses only concise programs in which the whole class reads the anthology from page 17 to page 23 and does exercises in arithmetic on page 128 of the textbook. Such training is suitable for the average student, but for talented students it is too boring, and bad students do not keep up with the program. If the child does not like books, this type of learning will make him look for fun in the lesson. Such a school program does nothing to help a girl who is lonely, or a boy who does not know how to reckon with his comrades.

533. How to make school activities lively and interesting.

If you find a topic that is really interesting and lively, you can use it to study all subjects. For example, in the second grade, the main topic is Indians. The more children learn about Indian life, the more they want to know. The reader contains the history of the Indians, which is really interesting for children to get to know. Using arithmetic, they study how the Indians counted and what replaced them with money. Thus, arithmetic is no longer a separate subject, but a useful life necessity. Geography is not just spots on the map, but the places where the Indians lived, where they traveled, it is information about how life on the plain differs from life in the forest. In science lessons, children can make dyes from berries and paint fabric with them, or they can grow corn. They can also make bows and arrows and Native American costumes.

Some people dislike the idea that the school curriculum can be made interesting. They believe that the child must learn to do the unpleasant and difficult. But if you look around, you will see that the most successful in life are those who love their work, unless you count the cases when the person is just lucky. There is a lot of boring and uninteresting in any job, but you do it because you see the necessity and connection of routine work with its fascinating sides. Darwin was a lousy student in all subjects, but he later became interested in the question of the origin of life, did one of the most laborious and thorough research that science has ever known, and developed the theory of evolution. A boy may not see any sense in geometry, hate it, and be bad at it. But, if he becomes a military pilot, he sees what geometry is needed for, and realizes that with its help the life of the entire crew can be saved. Then he sits on the same geometry all night long. Good teachers clearly understand that every child needs to develop self-discipline in order to become a useful member of society. But they know from experience that discipline cannot be put on a child like handcuffs. Discipline is what develops within a person. First of all, the child must understand the goals of his work and feel responsibility to others for its implementation.

534. How school helps "difficult" children.

An interesting, flexible program has other benefits in addition to making school activities fun. For example, the boy found it difficult to read and write in the first two classes, where instruction was in subjects. He stayed for the second year. Deep down, he was ashamed of his failure. But he did not admit this, claiming that he hated school. Even before his school troubles began, he did not get along well with his comrades. The realization that everyone thought him a dumbass only made matters worse. The child's pride was hurt. Sometimes he would flaunt in front of the class.

The teacher thought he was misbehaving on purpose. In fact, the child was trying to attract the attention of the collective in such an unsuccessful way. It was a healthy impulse to avoid being expelled from the team.

The student moved to another school, which was interested not only in teaching him to read and write, but also in helping him find his place in the team. The teacher learned from conversations with his mother that he loves painting and carpentry. She saw this as an opportunity to use the positive qualities of the child in the classroom. The children were busy drawing a picture of Indian life that they were going to hang on the wall in the classroom. They also jointly made the layout of the Indian village. The teacher included the boy in both of these jobs. It was a job he didn't have to be nervous about - he knew how to do it. Gradually he became more and more interested in the Indians. To correctly draw his part of the picture and correctly make his part of the layout, he needed to read about the Indians. He wanted to learn to read. He began to try. His new classmates did not see him as dumb because he could not read. They thought more about how well he draws and does the layout. Sometimes they praised him and asked for help. The boy began to "thaw". After all, it took him so long to gain recognition and friendliness! Feeling firmly in the team, he became more outgoing and friendly with his comrades.

535. The connection between school and life.

The school needs to give its students direct knowledge about the life around them, about local agriculture, about the work of farmers, businessmen and workers, so that they see the connection between the knowledge gained at school and real life. The school organizes trips to nearby industrial enterprises, invites various specialists to talk with schoolchildren, encourages discussions that arise in the classroom. If the topic is, for example, food, you could allow the class to watch milk being first given away, then pasteurized, bottled, and delivered to the store.

High school students and students have further opportunity to explore the world in summer labor camps, where they work in factories and farms with teachers, and then discuss what they see, and they become clearer about the difficulties of various specialties and ways to overcome them.

536. Democracy promotes discipline.

A good school must teach how to use democracy as a way of life and work. If a teacher behaves like a dictator, no amount of books will help him to instill democratic beliefs in children. A good teacher encourages students to take part in planning various activities, in discussing ways to implement them, and allows them to assign responsibilities themselves. This is how children learn to appreciate each other, so they learn to implement plans not only at school, but also later, in the world around them.

Experience has shown that if the teacher guides his students at every step, they work while he is around, but as soon as he leaves, the children stop working and begin to be naughty. Children come to the conclusion that classes are the responsibility of the teacher, not theirs, so as soon as the teacher turns away, they take the opportunity to do what they like. But, if the children themselves choose and think over their work and do it together, with the whole team, they work with the same diligence both with the teacher and in his absence. Why? But because they knew the purpose of their work and all its stages that they had to go through. They felt it was their job, not their teacher. Each of the children willingly performed the part of the work assigned to him, because he was proud of his role as a respected member of the team and felt his responsibility to other children.

537. All those who are related to children must work together.

Some problems of upbringing cannot be solved by the efforts of the teacher and parents alone, despite all their efforts and sensitivity. In this case, you need the help of a child education specialist. There are still almost no child psychiatrists in schools. But in some schools there are child education counselors, psychologists, or the school invites teachers to consult, whose profession is to help children, parents and class teachers understand and overcome the difficulties that a child is going through at school. If there is no such specialist at school or the teacher considers the problem too neglected, it is wiser to contact a child psychiatrist.

538. How to achieve a good school.

Parents sometimes say: "It's good for you to talk about ideal schools, but at the school where my child is studying, teaching is carried out according to stencil programs and I can not do anything about it." This is not true. Each city can have the kind of schools that children need. Improvement of the school system of education is the business of every citizen; this is how democratic rights are realized. But you need to be clear about what a good school should be.

Parents can take an active part in parent councils, attend parent-teacher meetings regularly, show teachers and school leaders that they care about how learning is done and that they can count on their support as new, progressive teaching methods are introduced. No school system can be perfect, but improving it requires the commitment and active participation of all of its citizens.

Many people do not realize how much a good school means in developing happy citizens who are useful to their country. They object to an increase in the education budget, which can be used to raise teachers' salaries, to reduce the number of students per class, to create school laboratories and workshops for an extracurricular program. Not understanding the value of such events, many consider them an excess, entertainment, a means of providing teachers with work. From a financial point of view, this attitude means economy in the little things and wastefulness in the big. Money wisely spent on caring for children is returned a hundredfold to society. First-class schools that succeed in engaging children and making them feel like full and useful members of the community significantly reduce the growth of irresponsible and criminal elements. But the value of such schools is even more vividly manifested in other children (who in any case did not become criminals), who subsequently find their place in society, become better workers, conscientious citizens, happier in their personal lives. Isn't that the best way to spend public funds?

If a child does not study well

539. Learning delays have many reasons.

Individual setbacks tend to occur in schools that are reluctant to adjust to the needs and level of each student, where children are treated harshly, demanding unconditional obedience, and where classrooms are too large for individual attention.

The reasons for poor performance can be rooted in the child. They can be hidden in his health: poor eyesight or hearing, fatigue or chronic illness. The reason may be the mental state of the child: nervousness and anxiety about any reason, inability to find a common language with the teacher or students. It happens that a child reads poorly, because it is difficult for him to recognize the written words. One child does not work because the tasks are too easy for him, the other - because it is too difficult.

Do not scold or punish a child who has problems with school. Try to find out what is the reason for his poor performance. Check with your teacher or school principal, or parenting counselor if available. Check your child's health, including vision and hearing.

540. A very capable child.

If in a class all students work on the same program, then more capable children may be bored, because the tasks are too easy for them. The only way out of the situation may be to move to a higher class. This can be a good solution if the child is both physically and spiritually more developed than his peers. Otherwise, he will be isolated and lonely among his classmates, especially when they enter adolescence. He can be too puny for sports and dancing. The interests of the child are most likely determined by his age, which prevents him from finding a common language with new friends. What good is it to him if he goes to college at a very young age if it always makes him lonely?

For such a capable child, it is better to stay in the class of his peers, provided that the curriculum is too flexible, i.e. it can be made more challenging for capable children. He can be instructed to work through a more difficult book in the library and make a report on it. If a capable student works for the sake of grades or to please the teacher, the guys give him the nicknames "Clever", "Pet", etc. that his intelligence and abilities are especially useful in the common cause.

Even if you think your child is very talented, do not seek to transfer him to a higher grade that does not match his abilities. As a result, the child will do worse than he could, or even just stay for the second year, returning to his class.

The question also arises whether it is necessary to teach smart children to read and count before school. Parents say that often children themselves ask to show them letters and numbers and just ask for training. This is partly true, and there is no harm in satisfying a child's curiosity.

But in many such cases, there is another side. Often, parents place too much hope in their child and want him to be superior to other children. When he plays his childhood games, they take it easy. But as soon as he shows interest in reading, they light up and enthusiastically help the child learn to read. The child, seeing the delight of the parents, responds to it with even greater interest. This can completely distract him from the natural pursuits of his age and turn him into a "literate" sooner than necessary.

It is natural for good parents to enjoy the wonderful qualities of their children. But it is necessary to distinguish where the interests of the child end and the great hopes of the parents begin. If parents are ambitious by nature, they must honestly admit it to themselves and be on the lookout for their ambition to rule their child's life. In order for a child to grow up to be a happy person and become the pride of their parents, they should not put pressure on him at any age, whether it is about school, music or dance lessons, sports or choosing friends.

541. Poor academic performance due to nervousness.

The child's learning can be interfered with by various anxieties, troubles and family disagreements. Here are a few examples, although they do not exhaust all the possibilities.

A six-year-old girl is tormented by a feeling of jealousy for her younger brother. This makes her nervous, distracts from her studies. She sometimes attacks other children unexpectedly for no apparent reason.

The child may be upset when a family member is ill or threatened by a parent to leave, or a misunderstood sexual relationship. In the early years of school, a child may be afraid of a bully or an angry dog ​​on the way to school, or a strict teacher, afraid to ask permission to go to the toilet or answer a lesson in front of the whole class. For an adult, all this may seem like trifles, but for a shy 6-7 year old child, such things can cause intense fear, which completely paralyzes his ability to think.

A 9-year-old child who is severely scolded and punished at home can become extremely anxious and tense and lose the ability to keep his thoughts on anything.

Usually a child who is considered "lazy" is not really lazy at all. A person is born inquisitive and energetic. If later he loses these qualities, then upbringing is to blame. The reasons for the apparent laziness are different. A child can be simply stubborn, because from the very birth he is constantly being pushed. But he is not lazy when it comes to his personal hobbies. Sometimes a child is simply hesitant to try to do something for fear of failure. This quality develops in such a child, whose parents have always been too critical of his achievements or demanded a lot from him.

Sometimes a too conscientious child does not study well, no matter how strange it sounds. He repeats a lesson already learned or an exercise he has done many times in fear that he has missed something or did something wrong. Such a child always lags behind his comrades because of his excessive fussiness.

A child deprived of love and care in early childhood, by school age, as a rule, becomes nervous, restless, irresponsible, unable to take an interest in studies, find a common language with teachers and classmates.

Whatever the reason for the poor performance of the child, it is necessary, first, to find the internal reason for his poor performance (see section); secondly, regardless of whether you can find it or not, the teacher and parents, by combining their knowledge about the child, must reveal his good qualities and interests and, using them, gradually involve the child in the team and its activities.

542. Poor reading due to the slow development of visual memory.

For you and for me, the word "nose" looks completely different from the word "sleep". But for most young children just starting to read, these word pairs look pretty much the same. They can read the word "moat" as "thief" or the word "weight" as "sowing." In writing, they often confuse letters that are similar in spelling. Over time, such errors become very rare. But approximately 10% of students (mostly boys) continue to suffer from this disability for several years. It takes them longer to learn to read relatively well, and they can make spelling mistakes all their lives, no matter how much they train.

These children quickly come to the conclusion that they are "incapable" and often begin to hate school because they cannot keep up with the class. They need to be reassured and reassured that their trouble lies in a special defect in visual memory (as well as a lack of ear for music), that they are not stupid or lazy, that sooner or later they will learn to read well and write correctly.

543. Help in the studies.

Sometimes the teacher advises to additionally study with the child in those subjects in which he is lagging behind. In some cases, the parents themselves decide to "pull up" the child. This should be done with caution. Often parents turn out to be bad teachers, not because they lack knowledge, and not because they are unscrupulous, but because they take the child's success too close to their hearts and get angry if he does not understand something. When a child is already entangled in a subject, a nervous parent will only make matters worse. In addition, the parent may explain to him differently from the teacher, which will further confuse the child who does not understand this topic in class.

I don’t mean to say that parents should never help their children with their studies. Sometimes their help brings very good results. But before you start with your child, check with his teacher. Discontinue your one-to-one studies immediately if they are unsuccessful.

When a child occasionally asks you to help him with his homework, it’s okay if you explain to him what he does not understand (nothing gives parents more pleasure than the opportunity to demonstrate their knowledge to the child). But if a child asks to do his homework for him because he does not understand it, consult with the teacher. A good teacher prefers to help the child understand the topic so that he can then complete the assignment on his own. If the teacher is too busy for individual lessons with the child, the parents will have to help him, but even in this case, try to make the child understand the task and do it himself. Don't do lessons for him.

544. Fear of going to school.

Sometimes a child suddenly has an inexplicable fear of school and refuses to go there. This often happens after he has stayed at home for several days due to an illness or accident, especially if the onset of the illness or accident took place at school. As a rule, the child cannot explain what he is afraid of at school. The study of such cases has shown that the real cause of fear often has nothing to do with the school. If the child is allowed to stay at home, his fear of school will only increase and will be added to the fear of falling behind the school curriculum and displeasing the teacher and classmates. Therefore, parents must be firm and insist on the child's return to school. Do not be fooled by his health complaints, do not try to persuade the doctor to allow him not to go to school for a few more days (of course, the doctor must check his health).

545. If the child cannot eat before going to school.

Occasionally, such a problem also arises, especially with students in grades 1 and 2 at the beginning of the school year. A conscientious child can be so reverent for the class and the teacher that it will completely rob him of his appetite before going to school. If his mother forces him to eat, he may be vomited on the way to school or in class, which will add to his other troubles a feeling of shame.

Don't force your child to eat in the morning. Let him drink juice or milk if that's all his stomach can take. If the child cannot even drink, let him go to school with an empty stomach. Of course, this is not good, but he is more likely to get rid of his nervous tension and will be able to eat breakfast before class if you leave him alone. Usually such a child eats very well at lunch and even better at dinner, making up for the missed breakfast. As he gets used to school, his stomach will crave more food in the morning, provided he doesn't have to fight his mother.

For a shy child, the teacher's sensitivity is especially important. The mother can talk to the teacher, explain the situation to him. The teacher will try to be especially affectionate with the child and help him get used to the team.

546. Teacher and parents.

It is not difficult for you to stay on good terms with the teacher if your child is a great student. But if he does not study well, the relationship with the teachers can be complicated. The best teachers, as well as the best parents, are only human beings. Each of them is proud of their work. Each of them has feelings of possessiveness towards the child. Everyone in their hearts believes (rightly or not) that the child would have achieved much better results if the other side treated him a little differently. Parents should remember that the teacher is just as touchy as they are, and that they will get much more out of joint discussions if they are friendly and accommodating. Some parents confess that they are scared to appear in front of the teacher, but then the teacher is often scared to appear in front of the parents. The task of parents in a conversation with a teacher is to give him information about the interests of the child, his reactions to various phenomena. And the teacher will decide for himself how to use this information. Do not forget to thank the teacher for teaching topics that the child especially likes and enjoys.

Child psychiatrist

547. Psychiatrists, psychologists and parenting.

There is a misconception about the appointment of psychiatrists, psychologists and the difference between them. A child psychiatrist is a doctor trained to understand and treat various types of misbehavior and emotional problems. In the 19th century, psychiatrists treated mainly the mentally ill, so many people still hesitate to contact them. But psychiatrists have long concluded that serious problems develop from everyday life. Therefore, psychiatrists are increasingly studying everyday problems, since timely measures taken bring the greatest success in the shortest possible time. When a child becomes ill with pneumonia, the parents do not expect his condition to worsen, but immediately call a doctor. Moreover, one should not postpone the appeal to a psychiatrist until the child's mental state becomes serious.

Psychologist is a generic term for non-physician specialists dealing with various aspects of psychology. Psychologists who work with children test their mental development, susceptibility, causes and remedies for school failure.

I hope that someday every school will have full-time psychiatrists and psychologists, so that children, parents and teachers have the opportunity to receive qualified help and advice on any daily problem, so that visiting a psychiatrist will be as natural as visiting any doctor with a purpose find out the schedule of vaccinations, nutritional composition, disease prevention, etc.

Puberty

Physiological changes

548. Puberty in girls.

By puberty, I mean the two years of intense growth that precedes puberty. Puberty in girls begins with the first menstrual cycle. Boys do not have such a pronounced event, so I start talking about puberty with girls.

First of all, you need to remember that puberty does not occur in everyone at the same age. In most girls, it begins at 11 years old and the first menstrual cycle occurs two years later - at 13 years old. But in quite a few girls, puberty begins at age 9. It happens that it begins only at the age of 13. In exceptional cases, puberty in girls begins as early as 7 years old or only 15 years old. Later or earlier puberty does not mean malfunctioning of the endocrine glands. It only means that they work on different schedules. This individual schedule is probably a hereditary trait, if puberty in parents came later than in others, then in their children it also usually comes later.

Let's follow a girl's puberty, which begins at age 11. At 7-8 years old, she grew by 5-6 cm per year. By the age of 9, the growth rate decreased to 4 cm per year, as if nature had hit the brakes. But suddenly, by the age of 11, the brakes are released. In the next two years, the girl will rapidly stretch upward at a speed of 8-10 cm per year. She will gain in weight 4.5-9 kg per year instead of 2-3.5 kg, as in previous years, but at the same time it does not become fuller. Her appetite becomes "wolfish" to keep up with such exuberant growth. Other changes are also taking place. At the beginning of puberty, the girl's mammary glands will enlarge. First, the areola is enlarged and slightly protrudes. Then the entire mammary gland takes on the appropriate shape. In the first year or a half, the girl's mammary gland has a conical shape. But closer to the beginning of the menstrual cycle, it becomes more rounded. Soon after the mammary gland begins to form, hair grows in the genital area. Later, the hair grows under the armpits as well. The thighs are widened. The structure of the skin changes.

At age 13, girls usually start menstruating. By this time, her body has become the body of an adult woman. She almost reaches that height and weight. which stays for a long time. Since that time, its growth has slowed down. A year after the start of her menstrual cycle, a girl is likely to grow 4 cm, and over the next year, only 2 cm. Many girls have irregular periods and not every month in the first year or two. This does not mean any pathology.

549. Puberty begins in different ways.

For many girls, puberty begins much earlier, while for others much later. If it starts in an 8-9 year old girl, she will naturally feel awkward and embarrassed among her classmates who see her growing rapidly and becoming a woman. But not every girl cares about it. It all depends on the degree of her peace of mind and on her desire and willingness to turn into a woman. If a girl has a good relationship with her mother and wants to be like her, then she will be pleased with her rapid growth, despite the fact that she is ahead of her peers. But if a girl is unhappy with her femininity (for example, because of jealousy of her brother) or she is afraid of becoming an adult, she will be frightened and upset by the signs of early puberty.

A girl whose puberty is delayed is also worried. It happens that at the age of 13, a girl did not show a single sign of puberty, while the rest of the girls grew up a lot before her eyes. She herself is still in the stage of stunted growth, which precedes puberty. The girl feels like an underdeveloped short man. She thinks that she is worse than others. Such a girl needs to be reassured and assured that her sexual development will begin as surely as sunrise and sunset. If the mother or other relatives start puberty late, the girl needs to be told about it.

In addition to age, there are other variations in the onset of sexual development. In some girls, hair grows in the genital area before the mammary glands take shape. And very rarely, armpit hair is the very first sign (and not the last, as in most cases). It usually takes 2 years from the time the first sign of sexual development appears until the first menstruation. If puberty begins at an earlier age, it usually proceeds faster - less than 1.5 years. In girls who begin sexual development later in life, it usually lasts longer than 2 years before the first menstrual period begins. Sometimes one breast develops earlier than the other. This is a common occurrence and does not mean anything. That chest. what developed earlier will remain increased in comparison with the second throughout the entire period of puberty.

550. Puberty in boys.

It starts on average 2 years later than girls. If in girls, puberty begins on average at 11 years old, then in boys - at 13 years old. It can begin as early as 11 years old or in rare cases even earlier, but it can linger up to 15 years, and in very few boys even longer. The boy begins to grow at a doubled rate. His genitals develop intensively and hair grows around them. Later, hair begins to grow under the armpits and on the face. The voice breaks and gets lower.

Over a two-year period, the boy's body almost completes its transformation into a man. In the next 2 years, its growth will slowly increase by 5-6 cm and then practically stop. A boy, like a girl, can go through a period of physical and emotional awkwardness, trying to learn how to manage his new body and new feelings. Just like his voice, now high, now low, he is both a boy and a man at the same time, but neither one nor the other.

It is appropriate here to talk about the difficulties of the relationship between boys and girls in school during puberty and maturity. Boys and girls of the same age study in the same class, but between 11 and 15 years old girls are almost 2 years older than a boy of the same age.

She is ahead of the boy in development, she is taller, she has more "adult" interests. She wants to go to dances and take courtship, and he is still a little savage who considers it shameful to pay attention to girls. During this period, when organizing extracurricular activities, it is better to unite different age groups to make the children more interesting.

A boy whose puberty is delayed, who is still smaller than others in stature, while his comrades grow into men, needs even more comfort than a girl who is lagging behind in puberty. Height, physique and strength play a huge role in the eyes of children of this age. But in some families, instead of reassuring the boy that over time he will grow by 24-27 cm, the parents take the boy to the doctor, begging him for a course of special treatment. This further convinces the boy that something is really wrong with him. It is wiser and safer to allow a normal boy to develop according to his individual, innate "plan."

551. Skin diseases in adolescents.

Puberty changes the structure of the skin. The pores become larger and secrete more fat. Acne is formed from the accumulation of grease, dust and dirt. Acne enlarges the pores even more, making it easier for bacteria to penetrate the skin, causing a minor infection or pimple. Teens tend to be shy. They are worried about the slightest defect in their appearance. They are uncomfortable with pimples, constantly touching them with their hands and squeezing them out. This spreads the bacteria to nearby areas of the skin and to the fingers, which the child uses to touch and introduce the bacteria into new acne, causing new acne. Squeezing pimples often only makes them bigger and deeper, so that a scar may remain afterwards. Some teens who are interested in gender issues imagine that their acne is caused by immodest thoughts or masturbation.

Almost all parents accept their children's acne as a necessary evil, believing that only time will cure them. This is the wrong approach. Modern medicines can improve in most cases. The child will certainly need to be shown to a doctor or skin specialist who will do everything to improve the teen's appearance (which in turn improves mood) and to prevent acne scars.

There are also general measures that are considered very helpful. Vigorous exercise, fresh air and direct sunlight will improve the complexion of many people. Heavy consumption of chocolate, candy, and other high-calorie sweets can contribute to acne. It is wise to eliminate these foods from your teen's diet, at least during this trial period. Usually, the skin is thoroughly but easily cleaned with a hot soapy sponge and then washed off with hot and cold water. It is very important to explain to the child why he should not touch his face with his hands and squeeze out pimples.

In adolescents, armpit sweat and odor also increase. Some children and even parents do not notice this, but the smell will be unpleasant for classmates, which will cause dislike for the child himself. All adolescents should thoroughly wash their armpits daily with soap and regular use of antiperspirant products.

Psychological changes

552. Shyness and touchiness.

As a result of all physiological and emotional changes, the adolescent's attention is drawn to himself. He becomes more sensitive and shy. He gets upset about the slightest defect, exaggerating its importance (a girl with freckles may think that they are disfiguring her). A small feature of the structure of his body or the functioning of the body immediately convinces the boy that he is not like everyone else, that he is worse than others. The teenager is changing so quickly that it is difficult for him to figure out what he is. His movements become angular because he cannot yet control his new body as easily as before; likewise, at first it is difficult for him to control his new feelings. The teenager is easily offended by comments. At some moments, he feels like an adult, wise from life experience and wants others to treat him accordingly. But the next minute he feels like a child and feels the need for protection and maternal affection. He may be disturbed by increased sexual desires. He is still not very clear about where they come from and how to act. Boys and especially girls fall in love with different people. For example, a boy may admire his teacher, a girl may fall madly in love with her teacher or literary heroine. This is because for many years girls and boys adhered to the society of the same sex, and considered the opposite sex to be their natural enemies. This is a long-standing antagonism and barriers are being overcome very slowly. When a teenager first dares to admit tender thoughts about a creature of the opposite sex, it usually turns out to be a movie star. After a while, boys and girls at the same school begin to dream of each other, but even then it will be a long time before the shy ones find the courage to express their affection in person.

553. The demand for freedom often means fear of it.

Almost all adolescents complain that their parents restrict their freedom. It is natural for a rapidly growing adolescent to insist on his rights and dignity, befitting his stage of development. He has to remind his parents that he is no longer a child. But parents should not literally understand every requirement of the child and give in without talking. The fact is that a teenager is afraid of his rapid growth. He is completely unsure of his ability to be as knowledgeable, skillful, sophisticated and charming as he would like to be. But he never admits his doubts to himself, much less to his parents. The teenager is afraid of his freedom and at the same time protests against parental care.

554. Adolescents need guidance.

Teachers, psychiatrists and other professionals who have worked with adolescents say that some of them admit that they would like their parents to be a little stricter with them, just like the parents of some of their friends, and teach them what is good and what is bad. ... This does not mean that parents should be the judges of their children. Parents should talk to teachers and parents of other teens to find out the customs and rules of the area where they live. They should certainly discuss these rules with the child. But in the end, they must decide for themselves what they think is right, and insist on their own, although this is rather difficult. If the parent's decision is reasonable, the teenager accepts it and is deeply grateful. On the one hand, parents have the right to say: “We know better,” but, on the other, they must feel and show deep trust in their child, in his judgments and his morality. It is mainly healthy parenting and the belief that parents trust him, not the rules they teach him, that keep the child on track. But a teenager needs both rules and the knowledge that his parents give him enough attention to teach him these rules, filling in the gaps in his life experience.

555. Rivalry with parents.

The tension that sometimes arises between adolescents and their parents is partly due to natural rivalry. The teenager realizes that the turn has come to conquer the world, to attract the opposite sex, to be a father or mother. He seems to be trying to squeeze the parents and push them from the heights of power. Parents subconsciously feel this and, of course, are not very happy.

There may even be friction between father and daughter, between mother and son. Between 3 and 6 years old, the boy is very passionate about his mother, and the girl is very passionate about her father. After 6 years, the child tries to forget about this hobby and denies it. But when, in adolescence, he experiences a strong pressure of feelings, they first rush, like a spring mountain stream, along the old dried up channel, that is, again towards their parents. However, the teenager subconsciously feels that this is not good. At this age, his first big task: to change the direction of his feelings from parents to someone outside the family. He tries to destroy his love for his parents with hostile feelings towards them. This explains, at least in part, why boys are rude to their mothers and why girls can be inexplicably antagonistic to their fathers.

Parents are definitely attached to their teenage children, which helps us understand why a mother is at heart or openly disapproves of girls that her son likes, and why a father might violently object to young people caring for his daughter.

Nutrition and development issues

Thin children

556. Thinness has different reasons.

Some children have hereditary thinness. On one or both sides, relatives are all thin. From the very childhood they were provided with adequate and plentiful food. They are not sick or nervous. They just never wanted to eat a lot, especially high-calorie foods.

Some children are thin because their appetite has completely disappeared from constant persuasion during meals (see section). Other children cannot eat due to nervous tension. If a child thinks in fear of sorcerers or death, or fears that his mother will leave and leave him, then his appetite can be greatly reduced. The jealous younger sister, competing with her older sister, does not give herself rest even while eating. Thus, the first child loses weight for two reasons: nervousness, on the one hand, reduces his appetite, and on the other hand, causes high energy expenditures.

There are many more children in the world who are not well fed due to lack of food or funds to buy it. There are chronic diseases that cause poor absorption of food. But usually children who lose weight during an illness quickly regain their weight, if during recovery they were not forced to eat by force and expected to restore their appetite on their own.

557. Caring for a thin child.

A thin child needs constant medical supervision, especially if he gets tired easily or has lost a lot of weight, or is gaining little weight.

Thinness, fatigue, poor weight gain are caused by emotional distress more often than physical illness. If your child is nervous or depressed, try talking to a child psychiatrist, talk to the teacher. In the event of any mental disorder, it is prudent to first review the child's relationship with parents, siblings, friends, and school. If you are at war with a child because of his poor appetite, stop it.

Some thin children eat better in small portions, but more often. A healthy child can have a great appetite and still remain thin. Apparently, this is how nature intended it. Typically, these children prefer relatively low-calorie foods such as meat, vegetables, fruits and turn away from high-calorie desserts. But some children, despite their dislike of high-calorie foods, love cream and butter. Instead of milk, you can make porridge with cream for them (first use semi-fat cream, and then heavy cream), you can add cream to mashed soups. Put a little more oil on the cooked vegetables and spread more oil on the bread. These changes should be made gradually as the digestive system takes time to get used to the increased fat intake. But, if the child objects to such changes, do not insist - this will only worsen his appetite.

Adding cream and butter to food does not always help a child gain weight. The trouble is that the usual such a measure only reduces his appetite.

So, if you don't seem to have any problems with your child, if he was thin from birth, but gains weight relatively normally every year, calm down. Probably, this is how nature intended it.

558. Additional rest.

If your child is losing weight or feeling nervous, or fatigued more quickly than usual, the doctor will likely recommend additional rest for a month or two. However, what is rest for one child can only infuriate another. Therefore, adapt to your child's needs. The schoolboy is likely to protest against any regime that differs from the regime of the rest of the boys.

The time from dinner to bed should be calm. The child can watch a TV program, listen to the radio, tell him a story or read, the father can do some manual labor with the child.

The preschooler can be put to bed before dinner, then serve him dinner in bed and leave him there until sleep. But that should look like a privilege, not a punishment. The child then happily obeys for at least a few weeks. Even if he jumps out of bed, he still rests better than if he runs around the apartment. If you have time, read to your child to keep him in one place.

You can leave your child in bed until morning and give him breakfast in bed, and then leave him to lie down for another hour. You can serve both breakfast and dinner in bed.

If a baby is annoyed by lying in bed after dinner, he is probably more willing to just stay at home for an hour or two, playing quietly or helping the mother with housework or newborn care.

Appetite problem

559. How it starts.

Why do many children eat poorly? As a rule, because their parents are trying their best to get them to eat well. Puppies, for example, don't have an appetite problem. It also does not exist in children in those countries where mothers do not know the rules of nutrition and therefore do not worry. As a joke, we can say that in order to discourage a child's appetite, you need knowledge and many months of hard work.

One child is born with a "wolfish" appetite that does not disappear even when he is sick or upset. The other child's appetite is more moderate and easily disappears as a result of illness or anxiety. Some children are made fat, others always remain skinny. But every baby is born with an adequate appetite for health and normal weight gain.

The trouble is that a child is also born with an instinct to be stubborn when he is too prodded, with an instinct of disgust for the food with which he has unpleasant associations. There is another complication; a person does not always like the same product. For some time, he may eat a huge amount of spinach or a new type of porridge for breakfast, and after a month he may not even want to look at them. Some people eat a lot of flour foods and sweets, while others eat a little of these foods.

Knowing all this, you can easily understand how the problem of appetite in children arises. Even in infancy, the mother tries to force the child to drink more milk than he wants, which causes stubbornness on his part. Or, with the introduction of solid food, the child was not given the opportunity to gradually get used to it. Many babies become more choosy after a year because they do not need to gain weight as quickly during that time as they did in their first year, and because they become more willful. When teething occurs, appetite is often impaired. Persuasion further reduces appetite and can make a child a "bad eater" forever. Very often, the problem of appetite occurs during recovery from illness. If the mother begins to "push" food into the child before the return of his appetite, then the child immediately feels a greater disgust for the food, and it can become permanent.

But the problem does not always arise as a result of persuasion. A child may refuse to eat due to jealousy of a new sibling or some other experience. But whatever the original reason for the loss of appetite, mother's anxiety and persuasion usually only make matters worse and interfere with the natural return of appetite.

Imagine yourself for a moment in the place of a child. To make it easier for you to do this, remember the last time you were not hungry. Perhaps it was a sultry day, or you were upset, or you have a stomach ache (child with poor appetite, feels this way most of the time). Now imagine some nervous giant sitting next to you and anxiously watching every morsel you put in your mouth. You ate some of the dishes you wanted and put down your fork, feeling full. But the giant looks upset and says, "You haven't even tasted the turnips." You explain that you don’t want turnips, but he doesn’t understand your mood and behaves as if he thinks that you are deliberately upsetting him. When he says that you cannot leave the table until you have eaten all the turnips without a trace, you taste a spoonful of turnips, but you feel a little nauseous. He scoops up a tablespoon of turnips and "pushes" it into your mouth, causing you to choke.

560. Treatment takes time and patience.

Once a feeding problem has arisen, overcoming it takes time and patience. Since the mother has begun to worry about the baby's nutrition, it is difficult for her to calm down while the baby is not eating well. And yet it is her anxiety and persistence that is the main reason preventing the return of his appetite. Even if the mother goes too far and does not show that she is worried, it will still be a long time before the child's unpleasant associations associated with food are blotted out.

A child's appetite can be compared to a mouse, and a mother’s persuasion can be compared to a cat that drove the mouse back into its burrow. You won't convince a mouse to come out of the burrow just because the cat is looking the other way. The cat must leave her alone for a long time, so that she believes that the danger has really passed.

Dr. Clara Davis found that young children, who were not prejudiced against various foods, chose a balanced diet from the natural foods offered to them. But do not expect that a child who refuses to eat, for example, vegetables for many months, will suddenly fall in love with them just because the mother gave him the choice. Maybe he will eat them on a campaign, where all the other guys eat them and where no one cares whether he eats or not. But at home, when he sees vegetables, he has too many unpleasant associations and he says: "No".

561. The mother also has nerves of steel.

If the child is chronically suffering from decreased appetite, the mother cannot help worrying that the child will develop some kind of illness caused by a lack of vitamins and nutrients, or the body will lose the ability to resist infections. No matter how much the doctor tries to dissuade her that children with poor appetite are no more susceptible to diseases than others, it is difficult for her to believe it.

A woman may feel guilty about imagining that all her relatives, neighbors, and the doctor think she is a bad mother. Of course, they don't think anything like that. Rather, they understand it very well, because for sure in their families at least one of the children is also a bad eater.

In addition, the mother will inevitably feel despair and anger at the "little scoundrel" who can completely "give a damn" to all the efforts of the mother to do him good. This is the most unpleasant feeling, because it makes a conscientious mother ashamed of herself.

Interestingly, most parents of children with poor appetite were themselves poor eaters as children. They remember perfectly well that persuasion and insistence lead to the opposite result, but they feel powerless to do otherwise. In such cases, part of the parental anxiety is a remnant of the anxiety they inherited from their parents as children.

562. Poor appetite is not too dangerous for a child.

It is important to remember that the child's body is equipped with an amazing innate mechanism that determines how much and what kind of food should be eaten for normal growth and development. But a bad eater needs the supervision of a doctor who will examine the child, decide what substances he lacks, recommend how to replace those foods that the child refuses to eat, advise how to handle it, and reassure the mother.

563. There should be no unpleasant associations associated with food.

Your goal is not to force the child to eat, but to create conditions for him in which he himself wants to eat.

Try not to discuss the child's appetite under any circumstances, either in the form of threats or in the form of rewards. I would not praise him when he eats especially well, nor pretend that you are upset if he ate too little. After a while, you will train yourself to just not think about it and this will be your great achievement. When the child feels that no one is pressuring him, he will begin to pay more attention to his appetite.

Sometimes you can hear the advice: "Put food in front of the child, do not say a word and remove it after 30 minutes, no matter how much he ate. Do not give anything until the next meal." This is a good method if it is applied correctly, that is, if the mother is not really worried about the baby's appetite and the food environment remains friendly. But the annoyed mother sometimes puts this advice into practice in this way: she tosses a plate of food to the child and gloomily says: "If you don't eat your lunch in 30 minutes, I'll clean it up and you won't get anything until dinner." Then she gets into a waiting position and stares at the child. Such a threat sets him up antagonistically and discourages his last appetite. The stubborn child who is challenged will always come out the winner.

You want your child to eat well because he needs it, not because you want to defeat him in the appetite war by forcing him to eat or taking away food from him.

Start with the food your child likes most, so that he will drool at the sight of the food, so that he can’t wait to get started. To create such an attitude towards food in a child, feed him only the healthy food that he likes for 2-3 months (trying to make his food as complete as possible), and do not offer him those foods that he decisively refuses to eat ...

If your child eats most types of food well and refuses to eat only a few, read sections - where you will find suggestions for substituting some foods for others while your child's tastes change or his suspicion and tension at the meal disappear.

564. If a child sets a strictly limited menu for himself.

Sometimes mothers say: "My child only eats sausages, bananas, oranges and drinks soda. Sometimes he eats a slice of white bread or two teaspoons of green peas. He refuses even to look at other types of food."

This is indeed an extraordinarily difficult situation. But the principle remains the same. You can give him a banana and a slice of bread for breakfast, a sausage, two teaspoons of peas and an orange for lunch, and again bananas and bread for dinner. Give your child a supplement if he asks and if you have the product. Give him combinations of these foods for several days, besides fruit water and syrup, as the sweet syrup will ward off even the little appetite he has. After two months, he will be looking forward to an hour of eating. Add a couple of teaspoons of other foods that he once ate, but not the ones that he hated. Don't say a word about a new dish. If he doesn't even touch him, don't react anyway. Try offering it again in two weeks, but in the meantime try some other product. How often you should add new dishes to your child's menu depends on how his appetite improves and whether he likes the new dishes.

565. Do not differentiate between different types of food.

Have the child eat four servings of one meal and not eat the other at all if he or she so desires (assuming it's a simple, healthy meal). If he doesn’t want soup, but wants dessert, give it as if you don’t see anything special about it. Comments such as: "I will not give you additional meat until you eat vegetables" or: "I will not give you compote until you have eaten everything", will further discourage the child from eating vegetables or soup and will want even more compote. In other words, you will achieve the exact opposite result.

You, of course, do not like the fact that the child's food will be one-sided. But if he has a poor appetite, the best thing you can do is make him feel indifferent about it.

I think parents are making a big mistake when they insist that a child with a poor appetite “just try” food that they are suspicious of. If he is forced to eat something that he disgusts, this reduces his chances of changing his attitude towards the unloved dish and falling in love with it. In addition, it reduces the pleasure of eating and further reduces the child's appetite. Never force him to eat what he refused the previous time. This can lead to loss of appetite.

566. Less is better than more.

If your child has a poor appetite, offer small portions. Putting too much on his plate will remind your child how much they will have to leave, and this will only further reduce their appetite. But, if you give your child much less than they usually eat, you make them ask for more. Thus, you will help him to treat food as something desirable. If he has a very poor appetite, offer him miniature portions: a teaspoon of meat, a teaspoon of vegetables, a teaspoon of flour food. When the child is finished eating, do not enthusiastically ask, "Do you want a supplement?" Let him ask you for a supplement, even if it takes him a few days to figure it out.

567. How to teach a child to eat independently.

Does a mother need to feed a bad eater? A child who has been appropriately encouraged (see section) starts eating on its own between 12 and 18 months. But if the overly caring mother continued to feed him herself until he was 2, 3 or even 4 years old (and even with persuasion and fairy tales), now, even if you stop feeding him, it will lead nowhere. At this age, the child no longer has a desire to learn to eat on his own. It does not even occur to him that it could be otherwise. Now it is for him an important part of maternal love and care. If his mother suddenly stops feeding him, he will be offended and angry. He may not eat at all for 2-3 days, which is more than any mother can handle. She begins to feed him again, but he already harbors a grudge against her. When the mother once again tries to force him to eat on his own, he realizes his strength and its weakness.

A two-year-old should learn to eat independently as soon as possible. But training will take several weeks and will require patience and tact. You should not give the child the impression that you are taking away a privilege. Try to organize the matter as if he himself wants to eat with a spoon, and you only yield to his desire. For a few days, only feed him his favorite foods. Putting a plate in front of him, go to the kitchen or another room for a minute, as if you forgot something. Be absent a little longer each day. When you return, feed him cheerfully, without saying a word about whether he himself ate or not. If the child can't wait for you to come and calls you from another room, return to him immediately with a cheerful excuse. His successes will grow steadily. After two weeks, he will be able to almost completely cope with his lunch on his own, and the next day he will ask to be fed. Do not argue with him while the learning process is going on. If he only eats one dish, then ask him to try the second. If he is happy that he can eat on his own, praise him, not very violently, so that he does not feel the trick.

Suppose you left him alone with delicious food for 10-15 minutes for a week, but he did not touch it. Then you need to make him starve. Gradually, over the course of 3-4 days, reduce your usual serving by half. Hunger is bound to break his stubbornness, provided you are friendly and considerate.

Soon, the child will begin to eat their own half portions on their own. Now do not give in to the urge to spoon feed him, let him get up from the table hungry. Ignore it if it leaves some of the food on the plate. His hunger will build up and will soon make him eat better. If you spoon-feed him, he may never learn to eat the whole meal on his own. Better tell him, "I think you're full." If he asks you to feed him, give him 2-3 tablespoons of food so as not to aggravate the relationship, and then say again: "Well, now that's enough."

After eating all of his lunch, dinner, and breakfast for 2 weeks on his own, don't spoon-feed him again. If one day he gets very tired and asks to feed him, give him a few spoons with an absent-minded look, and then tell him that, apparently, he is simply not hungry. I deliberately dwell on this situation, because I know very well that a mother who for so many months or years worried about the nutrition of the child, spoon-fed him for too long and finally allowed him to do it himself, is greatly tempted to feed him again. him as soon as he temporarily loses his appetite or gets sick. And then everything will have to start over.

568. Whether the mother needs to stay in the room while the child is eating.

It depends on whether the child is used to this order and whether the mother wants and can not show her anxiety. If the mother always sat next to the child while he was eating, and suddenly stopped doing it, the child will certainly be upset. If the mother can be sociable and calm and not think about his appetite, then her presence will be pleasant for both her and the child. If the mother finds that even after many attempts she is unable to stop worrying about the child's appetite and persuading him to eat, then it is better for her not to be present while the child is eating. But one must leave without being angry, not unexpectedly, but tactfully and quietly for a longer period of time every day, so that the child does not notice the change.

569. No fairy tales and bribery.

Of course, parents should not bribe the child to force him to eat, that is, tell him a story, put on a performance for every spoonful of food, or promise that dad will stand on his head if the child eats spinach. This kind of persuasion ultimately reduces the child's appetite even more, although at the moment they seem to force the child to eat a few extra bites. Parents have to increase bribery to get the same result. Such parents end up acting out an hour-long spectacle for five tablespoons of soup.

Do not ask your child to eat lunch to receive a third course or candy or a gold star or other award. Do not ask him to eat a spoon for "aunt" or to please mom, or to grow big and strong, or to be healthy and to clear the plate. In other words, make it a rule not to ask your child to eat at all.

The mother can tell a story while eating or turn on the radio, if the family is so customary and it has nothing to do with whether the child eats well or badly.

570. There is no need to be "under the thumb" of a child.

I talked in such detail about the fact that a child should eat at will that some parents might have a wrong idea. I remember one mother who for many years waged a war with her seven-year-old daughter, forcing her, persuading her, arguing every time over food. After studying the theory, she realized that the child may have always had a latent normal appetite and desire for a balanced diet, and that the best way to revive her appetite is to end the war over him. But she went to the other extreme, she went on about her daughter. By this time, the girl had developed a strong sense of contradiction as a result of a long struggle. Finding that her mother had become meekness herself, she took advantage of this. For example, she poured a full sugar bowl of sugar into the porridge, surreptitiously watching the silent horror on her mother's face. The mother began to ask her every time before eating what she wanted. If a child said: "Sausage", she obediently went to the store and bought sausages. Sitting down at the table, the child could say: "I don't want a sausage, I want a sausage," and the mother rushed to the nearest store to buy sausages.

There is also a middle position. You have the right to expect a child to come on time for lunch, dinner, breakfast, be polite and friendly towards those sitting at the table, refrain from unpleasant comments about food, and eat relatively culturally for his age. It is good if the mother, when making the menu, takes into account his tastes and the tastes of other family members as much as possible. Sometimes ask your child what he wants. But he should not feel in the family as the main person with whom everyone reckons. It is wise to limit it on foods such as sugar, candy, fruit soda, cakes. This can happen without argument if the mother acts like someone who knows what she is doing.

571. If the child chokes.

A child who, even after a year, is not able to swallow unwashed food, apparently, was often force-fed, or at least vigorously persuaded. He could easily cope with unpolished food, but when he is force-fed, he chokes. The mothers of such children are often told: "It's amazing that he doesn't choke on pieces if he likes the food. He can even swallow pieces of meat when he gnaws on a bone." There are three parts to the treatment: first, encourage him to eat completely on his own (see section); second, help him overcome suspicion about food (see sections -); thirdly, very gradually move from pureed food to non-rubbed food. Let him eat the pureed for several weeks or even months, if necessary, until he stops being afraid to eat and starts enjoying the food. During this period, you can not give him meat at all, for example, if he does not like finely ground meat.

In other words, the transition from pureed to pureed food should be carried out in accordance with the reaction of the child.

Some children gag even from pureed food. This is sometimes due to its viscous consistency. Try diluting these foods a little with water or milk. Or try chopping vegetables and fruits into small pieces without kneading them.

Too fat baby

572. Treatment depends on the cause of the obesity.

Many people think that obesity is due to the malfunctioning of the glands, but in reality this is rarely the real cause. Several factors affect a person's weight: heredity, temperament, appetite, mental balance. If a child's mother, father, and relatives are inclined to be overweight, he has a better chance of becoming overweight. In a calm, sedentary child, nutrients remain unused, which are stored in the body in the form of fat. The main factor is appetite. A child who loves high-calorie foods - pies, cakes, cookies, will naturally be more fat than a child who prefers vegetables, fruits and meat. But the question arises: why are some children so fond of high-calorie foods? We do not know all the causes of increased appetite. But it is not difficult to recognize a child who seems to be born to eat a lot all his life. From birth, he has a huge appetite that never disappears, whether he is healthy or sick, calm or agitated, whether the food is tasty in front of him or not. By 2-3 months, this child is already too fat and so he remains at least all childhood years.

573. Sometimes the reason is in mental discord.

When children later develop an increased appetite, it is often the cause of the child's mental discord. This can happen to a seven-year-old who is feeling lonely and sad. During this period, the child is freed from his former emotional dependence on his parents. If he does not know how to make bosom friends, whose affection would compensate for the diminished feelings for his parents, he feels abandoned in a huge alien world. Sweets and other high-calorie foods give the child some satisfaction. Worrying about trouble at school or for other reasons sometimes leads a child to seek comfort in food. Weight often becomes overweight during puberty. At this time, the appetite rises to keep up with the active growth, but perhaps the feeling of loneliness also plays a role. During this period, the child can be withdrawn and shy due to all the changes in his body, and this can reduce his ability to enjoy communication with friends.

574. Between 7 and 12 years of age, the weight is often slightly overweight.

I don’t want to give the impression that every fat child is unhappy. Children, even those who are cheerful and successful, tend to gain weight between the ages of 7 and 12. Many of them reach obesity. Most become slightly more well-nourished during 2 years of puberty and then lose weight as they approach adolescence. Many girls become slimmer by the age of 15 without any effort. It is useful for parents to know that mild obesity at school age is a common occurrence that often disappears over the years, so there is no need to be upset about the excess weight of the child. Whatever the cause of obesity, it can turn into a vicious circle. The thicker the child, the more difficult it is for him to enjoy outdoor games and sports. But the less he moves, the more nutrients his body is forced to store in the form of fat. In addition, a fat child who is embarrassed to participate in community games will feel more alien among children, who may tease and taunt him.

575. It is very difficult to maintain a diet.

What to do with an overly fat child? The first thing you will probably suggest is to put him on a diet. It sounds easy, but in fact it is not at all7 Think of adults who are hard-pressed to be overweight and still cannot force themselves to follow a diet. A child has even less willpower than an adult. If the mother puts the child on a diet, then she will have to either put the whole family on a diet, or torment the child, depriving him of food, which the whole family eats before his eyes and which he desperately wants. Very few fat children are intelligent enough to consider this situation fair. Everything that he is deprived of during the hours of eating, he will make up later, getting to the refrigerator or to the pastry shop.

But the diet can still be carried out. A tactful mother can imperceptibly protect the child from temptations, only occasionally giving him high-calorie desserts. She may not keep cookies and pies in the house, but give the child fruit in between meals. She can often give him those of his favorite foods that do not cause obesity. if the child is willing to be limited in diet, he can be sent to the doctor alone. Having talked to the doctor "like a man to a man", a child can feel like an adult, independently managing his life. It is easier for any fat person to accept advice from a stranger than from relatives. Without the advice of a doctor, a child should never take weight loss pills, especially if he does not have the opportunity to regularly see a doctor.

Since increased appetite is often a symptom of feelings of loneliness and mental disorder, the most useful measure is to check if the child is happy in his family, among friends, and is doing well in school (see section).

If, despite your best efforts, obesity does not go away or the child is gaining weight too quickly, you should consult a pediatrician and psychiatrist. Obesity is a serious problem for any child.

576. The diet should be carried out under the supervision of a physician.

In adolescents, self-administered diets can end badly. For example, a group of girls enthusiastically take an oath to follow some ridiculous diet that they have heard about somewhere. After a few days, hunger forces most of them to abandon their firm decision, but one or two of them can stand their ground with fanatical tenacity. It happens that a girl loses an alarming amount of kilograms and cannot resume her normal diet, even when she wants to. The group hysteria about diet seemed to have awakened in the girl a deep aversion to food, which is usually the result of some unresolved problem in early childhood. Sometimes a girl who has entered puberty will ecstatically exclaim, "I'm getting too fat," even if she's so thin that her ribs are visible. Perhaps she is emotionally unprepared for growing up and is secretly worried about her breast enlargement. A child obsessed with diet needs the help of a child psychiatrist.

If a child or his mother thinks that a diet is necessary, then for many reasons, first of all, you need to consult a doctor. First, the doctor will determine if there is a need for a diet; secondly, a teenager is more likely to understand the advice of a doctor than a parent. If it becomes clear that a diet is needed, it must certainly be prescribed by a doctor. The doctor will take into account the child's tastes in food, the usual family menu and prescribe a diet that not only provides the child with all the nutrients, but is also easy to implement in the given family. And finally, since weight loss affects health, everyone who follows a diet should see a doctor at regular intervals to check if they are losing weight too quickly and whether they remain healthy and strong.

If it is not possible to visit a doctor, and the child has firmly decided to follow a diet, parents should insist that he consume the following foods daily: 700 g of milk, meat, poultry or fish, eggs, green and yellow vegetables, fruits 2 times a day. The child needs to be reassured that small amounts of these foods will not increase their weight, but that they are very important to avoid severe wasting.

Some people, after reading the popular literature on this topic, come to the conclusion that every small person, every unsuccessful student, every nervous girl, every fat boy with small genitals suffers from glandular insufficiency and can be cured with appropriate pills or injections. This point of view is currently not supported by scientific evidence. Diseases of the glands have many symptoms other than those mentioned above.

In most cases, if a boy is excessively fat in the 2 years before puberty, his penis appears smaller than it really is because it looks small compared to huge fat thighs, and three-quarters of its actual length can hide fatty layer. In most of these boys, sexual development proceeds completely normal, and many of them lose weight during this time.

Of course, every child who is developing differently from others, seems to be feeble-minded or nervous, should be examined by an experienced doctor. But, if the doctor finds that the physique of the child is his congenital feature, or that his mental level is explained by some kind of misfortune in his daily life, then you just need to help the child adapt to life and stop further searching for a miracle cure.

578. Undescended testicles.

In a certain number of newborn boys, one or both testicles are not in the scrotum (the sac that the testicles should be in), but higher, in the groin or abdomen. Usually, the testicles descend into the scrotum shortly after birth. In some cases, the testicles descend into the scrotum during puberty, which in most boys begins around the age of 13. In very few cases, the testicles do not descend due to some kind of obstruction or abnormality in development.

Testicles form initially in the abdomen and descend into the scrotum shortly before birth. Attached to the testicles are muscles that can quickly pull the testicles inward into the groin or even the abdomen to protect them from injury if that part of the body is injured or when a baby scratches the area. In very many boys, the testicles are pulled inward at the slightest irritation. Even cool air is enough for them to disappear, being sucked into the stomach. When you touch the testicles to check for their presence, they often disappear. Therefore, parents should not assume that a child has undescended testicles just because they are rarely seen in the scrotum. The best time to check for them is when the baby is in the hot tub.

If you have seen testicles in the scrotum at least once, then you can be sure that they will set there during puberty. Hence, no treatment is required.

Sometimes only one testicle is clearly undescended. In this case, treatment may be required, but this should not upset you very much, because one testicle is enough for the boy to develop normally and become a father, even in the rare case when the second testicle does not appear later.

If you have not seen one or both testicles in the scrotum of a boy under 2 years old, see your doctor.

If your baby has undescended testicles, try not to get upset about it or worry the baby. It is very important not to embarrass your child with worried looks and frequent check-ups. The realization that he has a defect will do great harm to his emotional development. If the doctor prescribes injections, the parents should not fix the child's attention on the reason for the treatment, but talk about it in such a way that the child does not become suspicious.

An unusually tall height makes shy teenagers walk with their heads tilted forward. A child with poor posture needs a doctor's supervision to make sure he is not ill. Many children slouch over a lack of self-confidence, due to constant criticism from parents or trouble at school, or a lack of friends and entertainment. In an energetic, self-confident person, these qualities are manifested in the manner of standing, sitting, moving. If parents understood what a huge connection exists between the emotional state of the child and his posture, they would have treated it more rationally.

Parents who care about the appearance of their child cannot help but make comments to him: "Raise your shoulders", "For God's sake, stand upright", etc. But a child who slouches because his parents do not leave him alone with their remarks , will not be corrected from the additional number of comments. The best results come from posture exercises that are done in a school or clinic, where the atmosphere is much more business-like than at home. Parents can do a lot to help their child by doing these exercises at home if the child wants to and if the parents can maintain a friendly mood. But the main task of parents is to raise the spirit of the child, that is, to help him in school, encourage him to lead a more sociable lifestyle and give him the opportunity to feel respect for himself and his authority in the family.